User blog:DancePowderer/723 Abridged
Cover: I guess my name is Gaburu now. Yosemite Zoro: Pretending to think is boring. What did Philip Sanjmore Hoffman say again? Philip Sanjmore Hoffman: Nami likes me better, no matter what the fanon says. Zoro: Do you see me trying to stop you? Sanji: Okay. Here's some stuff, Kin'emon Zoro: So, how do we get around the gate? Kin'emon: Let's do what some people on this one site I go to don't like to do, play the waiting game. Above all else, let's not draw attention to ourselves. Zoro: What about cutting it? Kin'emon: We want SUBTLETY, remember? Zoro: What if I make it tiny? Bartolomeo: Oh. My. God. It's Roronoa Zoro! I am going to ruin my coolness rating even more by reciting trivia about him. Then I'm going to say something that makes the reader think I secretly represent One Piece fans in general. Holy crap on a marble! Now I'm going to chew on this gate. Baby 5: Guy who shot me, you'll be glad to know I'm giving you a name after 41 chapters. So, Gladius, why not chill out? Gladius: Violet. Her saying "f#%k this", do you realize how messed up my plans are now? Baby 5: Suddenly he's the tactician. Gladius: She was supposed to grab Sanji and data-mine his ass. And she did. But then she says her now infamous "f#%k this" and everything goes to shit. Baby 5: Oh goody, the Orville Redentop-hat is almost done. Gladius: I am the fear felt by the unreliable. I am the answer to all living things that cry out on time. I am the protector of the punctual. I am the light in the darkness. I am timeliness. ALLY TO PRECISION, NIGHTMARE TO INSUBORDINATION! Baby 5: A steam punk super saiyan gimp. I think I can die happy now. Gladius: She got bored. Those who get bored of the Donquixote Pirates cannot remain alive. Here's a plot hole none of the fanboys found. If Violet can see for 4000 miles, why didn't she see the Straw Hats coming? Or warn us about them? Violet: Hyaa. Ride, Pokey. Sanji: Not that I don't appreciate the ride, but I thought I told you to wait at the harbor. Violet: There were too many Marines. I can read minds, remember. They were cooped up on that ship for way too long, if you know what I mean. Some of the stuff I saw in their heads was X-rated and involved me. Sanji: Weird. So's the stuff in my head! Violet: Back to business. There are 4 ships and about 3000 marines here. Sanji: Someone has quite the visual abilities. How'd you find that out? Violet: Bitch I'm a radar. Nami: So now what? Momonosuke: Imma poke her with a stick. Brook: Lord knows I ain't looking at those granny panties. Jora: But I'm sexy... Nami: Let's follow more of Law's orders blindly! Chopper: So what was up with the Caesar thing? Brook: Yeah, I mean, it's not like any plot twists could have happened while we were here. What's up with that? Jora: I know why I'm not dead yet. I have to fill you in! Doflamingo pulled a "Gotcha bitch". He's still a warlord. And there's this chick named Violet who's supposed to get information out of your friends. Now who isn't caught up? Issho: So, you're a world noble. Doflamingo: I was, once, when I was a different man. All that luxury sucked donkey nuts, so I got out. It would be nice if we could have a drink and philosophize while I tell you about my old life. Unfortunately, I got shit to do. Sup, Fufu? Issho: I just heard a storm. Law (thinking): That was probably Nami. Damn this whole thing is relying on people who don't have all the info. Hmm. Caesar: Can I have my heart back now? Law: Did I say it was his? Caesar: C'mon Law. Don't be as dumb as admitting to an alliance. You've been holding it over me and I have a hole in my chest. Doflamingo: Squeeze. Caesar: Fuck. Issho: Why is unnamed soldier number 5 screaming? Caesar: I just want my heart back. Law: And that's my queue! Isn't gravity such a...let down? I'm going to leave your whole plan in...Shambles! (how many times have I made that pun while abridging?) I'm about to rock me, like a hurricane. Caesar: Help! I'm being kidnapped! Again! Law: Running running running. Doflamingo: First he's a pirate, now he's the fucking energizer bunny. Great! Why are former subordinates always such a handful? Issho: Poor bastard. Brook: Where's Law? Nami: Unless he's a forest, I don't know. Too foggy. So what happens next? Brook: Doflamingo targets us. Chopper: What rammed the boat!? Jora: Fighting fish! I look like I've snapped! Law: Okay. I'll go to the bridge, toss Caesar from there, and then fight Doflamingo. As long as he doesn't go to the ship, everything will be fine. Doflamingo: So that's how it is! Next time keep your thoughts in your head! Chopper: AAAAAHHHHHHH! Nami: What is it now? Chopper: A flamboyant psychopath is flying over here! Doflamingo: Law, I'm about to vent my frustrations onto your friends. Their asses will be kicked repeatedly from bow to stern. Sanji: Hey! Only one flame-o per ship, asshole! Doflamingo: Thank God the fans won't be disappointed this time. And another kick fight, too! Category:Blog posts